Thursday 30 May 2019

I want to start by thanking people for there comment's, I appreciate every single one of them. I have decided to write about were it all started for me and the attack that led me down to the lowest point in my life. I will try and be as honest as I can but something's I don't remember because I was unconscious. 


I was attacked by what I thought was 3 people, apparently there was a forth but there no evidence linking him to what happened. After a night out with friend's I decided to leave early, on my way home I walked past 3 men with backpacks. They seemed ok, nothing that made me think that they were up to no good. About 10-15 seconds later I heard this running footsteps and before I had chance to turn round I was hit from behind, in the back of the head with a weapon. I went down and felt dizzy, then I was hit again and other that I was unconscious. I remember waking with couple of people helping me, I went to get up and I couldn't I was in so much pain. It felt like that I had woken up from a dream, until I tried getting up and it became a reality.

The after affects hit me hard, I had angriphobia. for people who don't know what that means, it's a fear of going out. I was angry, I was having breakdowns and I would make every excuse I could think of to not to leave my house. I suffered with this for well over a year, possibly 2 years. People tried to help me, but I would get angry and not admit there was something wrong. In the end I confided in one of my closest friends, who knew I wasn't right. In the end I spoke and I broke down during this time just before I spoke to my friend I had tried to end my life. That was the best decision I made was talking, the anger started to go and it felt like a weight had been lifted of my shoulders.

I wanted to talk about this even though it's the toughest time of my life, because if you talk to someone (anyone) you will get this feeling like a weight has been lifted. It takes a stronger person to admit there struggling. If you are reading this and have not spoken to anyone, please do. It's the best thing I ever did and now I am like a completely different person. If you see someone acting differently then normal, please talk to them and do your best to get them to talk. The chat with my friend saved my life.

As always if you want to ask me questions about this, or talk to me about anything then leave comments on here. My DM'S on twitter are always open, my twitter is @Jamie198629



Sunday 26 May 2019

Thank you to everyone for there support with previous posts on my blog, I appreciate it all! If this blog can just help one person, then this blog has been totally worth doing. My post today is all about anger.

When I was first attacked and my mental health started, in which I will be doing a post about in the near future. I became very angry, before the attack I was a laid back person. Even the smallest thing would make me angry, I would never hit anyone but at that time I was so tempted too, and decided to take it out on other things like door's and wall's etc... I was angry at what happened to me that I wanted to get revenge on them for what they did to me. I wanted them to feel the pain & anger that I was going through everyday. Every time I got angry it would scare my family & friends, I would never hurt them but at that time they thought I was unpredictable. When I saw they were scared of me that's when I thought enough was enough, and instead of getting angry and getting my revenge I went to the police and let them deal with it. I then decided to get help with my anger. I am back to being a laid back person, I do think back to that incident sometimes and feel angry but I am able to control those moments and manage them. 

I wanted to share this with you, because sometimes if your mental health has been caused by someone else, the best way to get your own back is to move on and get on with your life. If you keep everything bottled up like I did you become angry and you will never be able to move on. Please do not be ashamed to speak out, it takes a stronger person to admit there struggling. It's ok to not be ok. If you see someone struggling, please remember just a quick chat or a smile would make there day alot better also remember you are not alone. Please if anyone needs to talk, DM me on twitter even if it's just a random chat to try & take your mind of stuff. My twitter is @Jamie198629. Thank you for reading!!!!!

Thursday 23 May 2019

This story isn't about me, it's about my friend and I wont be mentioning there names. I know little about this topic, but I felt after hearing there story that it was important to cover it. 

It start 13 years ago when they lost a family member to who they were very close too, at the same time they were being bullied. The reason they were bullied was because of the age gap between there parents (nothing Illegal). With these 2 things happening at the same time, they wanted to hit someone, scream and smash things up. They decided to start self harming to numb the pain of everything going on in there life. They are eating so much and making themselves sick, cutting themselves and burning themselves with hair straighteners and to this day they still do that. 

I wanted to write about this because it's an important topic, it's hard to hear that people are hurting themselves to numb the pain of the heartache and bullying there going through. I know people will not admit if there self harming, but if you see someone who you think has been self harming please speak to them or tell the right people. It could be the most important thing you do.

I want to thank my close friend for telling there story, as always if anyone needs to talk my DM'S are open, My twitter handle is @Jamie198629.  

Tuesday 21 May 2019

I am going to start this of again by thanking everyone for there support with my blog, I appreciate it all. This post is all about my anxiety and how it's affected me, and way's I have tried to cope with it.

I have always suffered with anxiety, but it became alot worse in my late teens when I was attacked by a gang of guy's with weapons. After that attack I suffered from angriphobia, I was to nervous to leave the house. The thought of leaving the house made me feel sick and I was having panic attacks. My mate's became frustrated with me because I never wanted to go out with them, I never gave them a reason because I felt embarrassed. In the end I spoke with one of closest mates about what had happened, and I decided if I keep going the way I'm going then I have let these guy's win. I went and got help and in gradual steps I was able to get myself out of the house for the first time in a long time. Unfortunately to this day I still suffer with anxiety, I can't go out on my own without listening music or ringing someone or something that distracts me. 

The reason why I wanted to talk about my anxiety, is to show people that even with anxiety you can still achieve your goals. It's taken me a long time to get to were I am now, but I never gave up and I achieved what I wanted. 

Thank you for reading, as always if you need someone to talk then either leave me a comment on here or you can DM me on twitter @Jamie198629 

Friday 17 May 2019

I want to start this of by thanking everyone who took the time to read my last post, I also want to thank people for there comments, retweets and likes on twitter. I appreciate it all.

I have suffered with Mental Health going on 16 years, it started of when I was attacked by a group of guys and who used weapons. Over time I gradually got myself back to how I was but it took a long time. I suffered with agoraphobia, I wasn't able to go out and have the life that I should of had at that age. The thought of going out made me feel sick and I was having panic attacks. I kept that all to myself for years. During this time my Auntie had taken her own life due to depression, but when we heard the news I had been planning on doing the same. My Granddad said something at the time which changed my life he said "I wish she would of asked for help" After that comment I did just that, I spoke to my mum and sister about everything that had happened, as that day I decided I wanted to live and I saw the damage it left.

I wanted to speak out about this because it took me so long to speak up, that I almost ended it all. When I spoke it was like a weight had been taken of my back that had been there for years. If you don't want to speak to friends or family, then go see a doctor or counsellor etc.. please tell someone. You will much better about yourself and you will get the help you need. It's ok to be not be ok, it takes a stronger person to admit there struggling. My DM'S are always open on twitter, if you have any questions or want someone to talk too my twitter is @Jamie198629 and remember people PLEASE SPEAK TO SOMEONE!!!!

Wednesday 15 May 2019

This will be the toughest thing that I have ever written, as it affects my family everyday but I feel speaking about this will help people understand the damage suicide leaves behind.

Last summer in July, my brother in law went missing which was very unlike him. When he left in the morning as normal, there was nothing different in his behaviour or anything. That night he never came home, people were calling and texting him with no response which again was very unlike him. The Police were called and they tracked his phone to local woods, there was no sign of him. 10 days-2 weeks later there were sightings of him but they wasn't him. 2 weeks later that dreaded call came through to say that he had taken his own life. My niece was only 5 at the time and didn't understand why he wasn't coming back, she understands a bit better now but we still have the heartbreak of her saying "I wish my Dad was able to see open my presents at Christmas" or "I wish my dad could pick me up school like everyone else's dad's do". we deal with it on a daily basis. 

I have never spoken about this but thought now was the right time to do it, we never knew something was going on with him, and kept it to himself and left a lot of people dealing with hurt and heartbreak everyday. It ends for one person, but for family family and friends it carrys on everyday and the pain will never go. 

Please if you are suffering from mental health, please tell someone like your family, friends or even the doctor. I never spoke up about for it months before someone noticed there was something wrong with me. I spoke up for the first about it with my friend and it's best thing I did, I felt like a load had been taken of my back just speaking to one person. It takes a stronger person to admit there struggling, be that person. It's ok to not be ok, so please speak up and get the help you need.