I haven't written a post on my blog in ages, I'm going to be writing about the last 2-3 weeks. Thank you to the people who have supported me in this blog so far.

I don't think I have had a tougher 2-3 weeks in a long time, It started with me losing someone close to me, I haven't really spoken about it and im not going to because I am not good with sympathy. I have never handled grief very well, I lash out at people I care about because I don't find it easy showing emotion and I can't cry. I have been working on that with my girlfriend who has showed me that it's ok to show emotion and I appreciate all the help she has given me. 

Also in the last few weeks, I have had to deal with people saying stuff about me to my Girlfriend which isn't true, through all this we remained stronger then ever. It just goes to show that people don't like to see others happy. There just morons with no life. 

Lastly I want to thank people on social media who have had my back the past 2-3 weeks, a lot of the time I have felt alone but with very good friends and a beautiful amazing girlfriend I have come through it and now I am feeling better then I have in a while. 

Thank you for reading

I haven't blogged for a while, with what's happened over the past week I felt I needed too. I am going to be speaking about the affects of suicide and the damage it leaves behind to family & friends.

Unfortunately this a topic I know to well, I have now lost 5 people close to me through suicide. 3 Family members and 2 Friends. The last person I lost last week left behind 2 young children, hearing them get upset and not understanding why there dad is not coming back is probably the most heartbreaking thing to witness. The affects it leaves behind never goes away, it ends for the person taking there own life but never for family & friends. As a family we question weather it's our fault because we didn't notice there is something wrong. When I first lost a family member through suicide, I was very close to them and even on my worse day's I wanted to take my own life so I could be with them again. I saw what it did to the family and I decided enough was enough and I needed help. 

To the people who say "get over it" or " Mental Health is a choice" try telling that to the family & friends who have lost people through Mental Health. I wanted to post this because I want people to know the damage it leaves behind. It takes a strong & brave person to admit there struggling. Please talk to someone It's ok to not be ok & your're not alone. Thank you for taking the time to read this!

First of all I want to thank people for there comments and support with the last post I did, it meant a lot. This post will be about how my life has changed for the better.

Last time I posted I was saying how my life had slightly improved, I now have a girlfriend who has turned my life around for the better. She has given me the confidence that being myself is good enough. When I started talking to her at the start I was really low, since then my life has improved everyday, I am in an amazing place at the moment and I couldn't be happier. I still have my bad days but with her support I know I will come through it. All I can say is that I love her and she has been my rock, and hopefully I can support her like she has supported me.

I have also made some good friends on twitter, who will be my friend's for life. They have had my back and have helped me alot through the bad days. I know they will have my back and I will always have there backs no matter what and they know that. 

I wanted to write about this because I wanted to show everyone, that even when your struggling something or someone could come into your life and change it for the better. Please if your struggling speak out about it, don't deal with it on your own. I spoke and now I am in an amazing place. It's ok to not be ok! 

Thank you to everyone who has supported me with this blog. I really do appreciate it all 

Last week was a tough week for me, It was the 1 year anniversary of my brother in law taking his own life. My niece was only 5 when he took his own life, this week has been all about me showing support to my sister and niece. I wanted to this blog and show everyone how important it is to speak out and to ask someone how there feeling. 

I decided to start this blog after he committed suicide, he never spoke to anyone. There was no difference is his behaviour, you never know what's going on behind closed doors. I think to myself all the time "why didn't he say anything, I could of helped". Ever since that day happened, I have been trying to my hardest to be there for people, to help them when there struggling. The damage it left to my niece was horrible, she would ask some upsetting questions "Does that mean, he won't be here to see me open my presents" and she started crying. It was most horrible thing I have ever had. 

Please if your struggling tell someone, there is help out there you don't have to deal with this alone. Get yourself to the doctors and get the help you need. It doesn't make you a weak person, it makes you a strong person and it's a brave thing to do. Lastly always check on close friends and family as you never know what is going on behind closed doors. It's ok to not be ok.

Thank you for reading, my twitter handle is @Jamie198629 if anyone needs to talk. 

This post is a follow up to my last post from last Tuesday, I will start by thanking everyone for there comments. As always I appreciate all of them.

Last time I wrote about how I wasn't being honest about my mental health, and that I needed help to get myself back on track. I have since then been back to the doctor, he has referred me to a counsellor and I am back on medication. At first I was a bit gutted to be going back on medication, as it took me so long to get of them. After a chat with close friends and family, if it helps me get back on track then it's not a negative thing. I am doing much better at the moment, since I spoke out to a couple of people. It was like a weight had been lifted, and that I didn't have to deal with all this alone I had good support around me. 

I am the most stubborn person when it comes to asking anyone for help, but I knew I had too. It doesn't make you less of a person telling someone that you need help. It takes a brave and strong person to admit there struggling. 

It's short post this time around, but you know you can message me on twitter any time @Jamie198629 

This post is going to be a little different then normal, usually I would be trying to help with advice and help. This one is going to be what I am going through now.

I thought I had overcome some of my mental health issues a while back, it turns out I haven't. The past few weeks, I have been telling people to talk to each other and to help one another. When it's me who hasn't been speaking, I have spent so much time trying to be positive and help people that I have forgotten to help myself, I have been using it as an excuse. I have now finally spoken out to a couple of people about my Mental Health problems. The hard work of getting better starts today, I have been to the doctor's and I have restarted counselling. 

I wanted to write this because I don't show any emotion at all, I come across a happy and positive person when infact I use that to cover what's really going on. It goes to show that you never know what's going on behind closed doors, I wanted to write this also to encourage people to not hide there emotions and to speak out if you are struggling. You're not alone in this.  

I haven't written for a long time, but I want to thank people for all the lovely comments about all my previous post's on here. I have decided to talk about my up's and down's on twitter with Mental Health. 

I joined twitter in the summer of 2016, because I lost a couple of family members and friends to mental health through suicide. I wanted to come on twitter to try and get people to talk, hoping if it helped 1 person then it was worth it. When I first joined, I would see negative comments about Mental Health. People playing it down with comments such as "Man Up" and "Get over it". I always use to reply and have arguments with these people, which left me angry and down afterwards. After a while I decided not to bother with these idiot's and started blocking them, which gave me the confidence to talk more about it. 

I would urge all people experiencing the same problems as I did, to do the same thing with 1 negative comment there's always more positive comments. In the past 2 years, I have made some close friends on twitter who went through the same as I did. I wanted to say to these people, you will beat this and there is no shame admitting your struggling. If your feeling down and alone then talk to someone. A lot of people help people out which is great, but whose helping them? Please put yourself first from time to time.

As normal guy's if you want to talk my DM'S on twitter are always open @Jamie198629. I will also respond to comments on here. 

Thank you for all the comment's about my last 2 posts on bullying. Thank you to the 2 people who were brave enough to share there stories of being bullied. This blog is about a mate of mine's Mental Health, he wanted to share his story to hopefully help other people. It is written in his own word's. 

I have been a sufferer of both anxiety and depression, it can be one of the hardest things to do. It's not easy to talk about. In 2019 and as a man, it's not easy to tell people what is going on in our heads. Sometimes we don't know ourselves, men have the statistics of not wanting to seem like we're not weak or not as strong as everyone else!

I've had both anxiety and depression for over 7 years now, and in the last 3 years I have finally accepted it's me and it's what I have got. Nothing will change that feeling, I am still me, I am still Human just with a struggle on my shoulders!

Having anxiety and depression isn't always about being down, it's waking up and fighting our minds, our demons and fighting out body's. Feeling alone in a room full of people. Yeah I will admit I have cried myself to sleep so many times, and then meeting up with other people and putting that brave face on because that's what we do. My close friends and family will know. I've had this for 7 years now, how ever from slowly finding it hard to talk about at first to now being open about it because at first I didn't want to due to being scared to tell people incase they thought I was weak or making it up!

I am slowly getting myself back on track, and I will be me again. To anyone whose ever had my back on my hardest days.

I want to tell people that speaking out, it's best thing anyone could do is to open up and be you. The only person you can better yourself then is the person you was yesterday.

I want to thank this person for opening up, it's a very brave and strong they have done and hopefully will help alot of people. If you have any questions or need to someone to talk to my DM'S are always open @Jamie198629. Remember guy's it's ok to not be ok, please speak to someone if you're struggling!

Thank you to the person who shared there bullying story the other day, it was very brave. Well done. This is part 2 of 2 of my bullying part of the blog. Someone has been brave enough to share there story with me. I will not be mentioning there name in this post and it will be written in there own words. This post is all about online bullying. 

It started in the summer of 2018, I started to get confidence in myself as I was losing weight. I would post a picture of myself on social media, within minutes I would receive some horrible and hurtful private messages. I would get the Mickey taken out of me, I was called a fat cow and that I belonged on the beach because I look like a whale. People also would be horrible about my teeth if I smiled. I then received the most disgusting and vile private message on twitter, "I hope you get raped". I reported and blocked them straight away and there account was banned. I posted that tweet onto my twitter feed, as I was shocked and hurt as I have never hurt anyone. When I got this message I felt like deactivating my twitter account and leaving social media for good as I was on there for release from my life and not to be reminded of it. I decided to stay on social media because I made really good friends, and I didn't want to runaway and think they had got the better of me. 

It affects me today, nearly a year on from them comments. Every time I see a DM I get worried especially if I have just posted a picture of myself. I also check to see whose following now because of those comments.

I was quite disturbed reading this, especially with the comments. How can anyone be that sick or hurtful. I have noticed that when you see online bullying, the bully has no picture of themselves because there cowards. If you see someone being bullied online please report it straight away, The bullies do not deserve to be getting away with affecting peoples lives. If your being bullied yourself please speak out, get them reported and blocked and tell other people so they can do the same. If anyone has any questions or needs to talk send me a DM on twitter @Jamie198629 

This is the first part of my bullying blog, this story is not about me it's about a friend of mine. I will not be mentioning names and this story will be told in there words.

I was always bullied at school, I was even bullied by the teachers they would see me being isolated and picked on. They would often humiliate me in front of the bullies and made me feel like I was nothing. My school was big on sports, I was never interested and they would pick on me and call me a girl or say homophobic stuff to me. Teacher's heard it all but never said anything to the bullies. I tried to end my life few days after my birthday at the age of 14 because the bullying was getting to much. I thought the bullies would get punished for example suspension etc... so that they would learn there lesson and stop! Knowing this would never happen I decided to leave school at 14.

I am 32 now and all this still plays on my mind all the time, it affects me like I can't always do social activities even as an adult I feel Isolated and rejected. Bullying has left me insecure about myself and feeling not wanted. If someone wants to be around me it means alot to me. 

I wanted people to see this story of what happened to my mate, because 18 years later it still affects him almost daily. If your bullying someone, don't do it, it can scar people for life. How would you feel if you were the one being bullied or if someone you were close to was being bullied. If your being bullied please speak up about it, alot of people are going through the same as you. If you notice someone is being bullied, please help them. Thanks for reading, if you have any questions then leave me a comment on here or a DM on twitter @Jamie198629

I want to start by thanking people for there comment's, I appreciate every single one of them. I have decided to write about were it all started for me and the attack that led me down to the lowest point in my life. I will try and be as honest as I can but something's I don't remember because I was unconscious. 


I was attacked by what I thought was 3 people, apparently there was a forth but there no evidence linking him to what happened. After a night out with friend's I decided to leave early, on my way home I walked past 3 men with backpacks. They seemed ok, nothing that made me think that they were up to no good. About 10-15 seconds later I heard this running footsteps and before I had chance to turn round I was hit from behind, in the back of the head with a weapon. I went down and felt dizzy, then I was hit again and other that I was unconscious. I remember waking with couple of people helping me, I went to get up and I couldn't I was in so much pain. It felt like that I had woken up from a dream, until I tried getting up and it became a reality.

The after affects hit me hard, I had angriphobia. for people who don't know what that means, it's a fear of going out. I was angry, I was having breakdowns and I would make every excuse I could think of to not to leave my house. I suffered with this for well over a year, possibly 2 years. People tried to help me, but I would get angry and not admit there was something wrong. In the end I confided in one of my closest friends, who knew I wasn't right. In the end I spoke and I broke down during this time just before I spoke to my friend I had tried to end my life. That was the best decision I made was talking, the anger started to go and it felt like a weight had been lifted of my shoulders.

I wanted to talk about this even though it's the toughest time of my life, because if you talk to someone (anyone) you will get this feeling like a weight has been lifted. It takes a stronger person to admit there struggling. If you are reading this and have not spoken to anyone, please do. It's the best thing I ever did and now I am like a completely different person. If you see someone acting differently then normal, please talk to them and do your best to get them to talk. The chat with my friend saved my life.

As always if you want to ask me questions about this, or talk to me about anything then leave comments on here. My DM'S on twitter are always open, my twitter is @Jamie198629

Thank you to everyone for there support with previous posts on my blog, I appreciate it all! If this blog can just help one person, then this blog has been totally worth doing. My post today is all about anger.

When I was first attacked and my mental health started, in which I will be doing a post about in the near future. I became very angry, before the attack I was a laid back person. Even the smallest thing would make me angry, I would never hit anyone but at that time I was so tempted too, and decided to take it out on other things like door's and wall's etc... I was angry at what happened to me that I wanted to get revenge on them for what they did to me. I wanted them to feel the pain & anger that I was going through everyday. Every time I got angry it would scare my family & friends, I would never hurt them but at that time they thought I was unpredictable. When I saw they were scared of me that's when I thought enough was enough, and instead of getting angry and getting my revenge I went to the police and let them deal with it. I then decided to get help with my anger. I am back to being a laid back person, I do think back to that incident sometimes and feel angry but I am able to control those moments and manage them. 

I wanted to share this with you, because sometimes if your mental health has been caused by someone else, the best way to get your own back is to move on and get on with your life. If you keep everything bottled up like I did you become angry and you will never be able to move on. Please do not be ashamed to speak out, it takes a stronger person to admit there struggling. It's ok to not be ok. If you see someone struggling, please remember just a quick chat or a smile would make there day alot better also remember you are not alone. Please if anyone needs to talk, DM me on twitter even if it's just a random chat to try & take your mind of stuff. My twitter is @Jamie198629. Thank you for reading!!!!!

This story isn't about me, it's about my friend and I wont be mentioning there names. I know little about this topic, but I felt after hearing there story that it was important to cover it. 

It start 13 years ago when they lost a family member to who they were very close too, at the same time they were being bullied. The reason they were bullied was because of the age gap between there parents (nothing Illegal). With these 2 things happening at the same time, they wanted to hit someone, scream and smash things up. They decided to start self harming to numb the pain of everything going on in there life. They are eating so much and making themselves sick, cutting themselves and burning themselves with hair straighteners and to this day they still do that. 

I wanted to write about this because it's an important topic, it's hard to hear that people are hurting themselves to numb the pain of the heartache and bullying there going through. I know people will not admit if there self harming, but if you see someone who you think has been self harming please speak to them or tell the right people. It could be the most important thing you do.

I want to thank my close friend for telling there story, as always if anyone needs to talk my DM'S are open, My twitter handle is @Jamie198629.  

I am going to start this of again by thanking everyone for there support with my blog, I appreciate it all. This post is all about my anxiety and how it's affected me, and way's I have tried to cope with it.

I have always suffered with anxiety, but it became alot worse in my late teens when I was attacked by a gang of guy's with weapons. After that attack I suffered from angriphobia, I was to nervous to leave the house. The thought of leaving the house made me feel sick and I was having panic attacks. My mate's became frustrated with me because I never wanted to go out with them, I never gave them a reason because I felt embarrassed. In the end I spoke with one of closest mates about what had happened, and I decided if I keep going the way I'm going then I have let these guy's win. I went and got help and in gradual steps I was able to get myself out of the house for the first time in a long time. Unfortunately to this day I still suffer with anxiety, I can't go out on my own without listening music or ringing someone or something that distracts me. 

The reason why I wanted to talk about my anxiety, is to show people that even with anxiety you can still achieve your goals. It's taken me a long time to get to were I am now, but I never gave up and I achieved what I wanted. 

Thank you for reading, as always if you need someone to talk then either leave me a comment on here or you can DM me on twitter @Jamie198629 

I want to start this of by thanking everyone who took the time to read my last post, I also want to thank people for there comments, retweets and likes on twitter. I appreciate it all.

I have suffered with Mental Health going on 16 years, it started of when I was attacked by a group of guys and who used weapons. Over time I gradually got myself back to how I was but it took a long time. I suffered with agoraphobia, I wasn't able to go out and have the life that I should of had at that age. The thought of going out made me feel sick and I was having panic attacks. I kept that all to myself for years. During this time my Auntie had taken her own life due to depression, but when we heard the news I had been planning on doing the same. My Granddad said something at the time which changed my life he said "I wish she would of asked for help" After that comment I did just that, I spoke to my mum and sister about everything that had happened, as that day I decided I wanted to live and I saw the damage it left.

I wanted to speak out about this because it took me so long to speak up, that I almost ended it all. When I spoke it was like a weight had been taken of my back that had been there for years. If you don't want to speak to friends or family, then go see a doctor or counsellor etc.. please tell someone. You will much better about yourself and you will get the help you need. It's ok to be not be ok, it takes a stronger person to admit there struggling. My DM'S are always open on twitter, if you have any questions or want someone to talk too my twitter is @Jamie198629 and remember people PLEASE SPEAK TO SOMEONE!!!!

This will be the toughest thing that I have ever written, as it affects my family everyday but I feel speaking about this will help people understand the damage suicide leaves behind.

Last summer in July, my brother in law went missing which was very unlike him. When he left in the morning as normal, there was nothing different in his behaviour or anything. That night he never came home, people were calling and texting him with no response which again was very unlike him. The Police were called and they tracked his phone to local woods, there was no sign of him. 10 days-2 weeks later there were sightings of him but they wasn't him. 2 weeks later that dreaded call came through to say that he had taken his own life. My niece was only 5 at the time and didn't understand why he wasn't coming back, she understands a bit better now but we still have the heartbreak of her saying "I wish my Dad was able to see open my presents at Christmas" or "I wish my dad could pick me up school like everyone else's dad's do". we deal with it on a daily basis. 

I have never spoken about this but thought now was the right time to do it, we never knew something was going on with him, and kept it to himself and left a lot of people dealing with hurt and heartbreak everyday. It ends for one person, but for family family and friends it carrys on everyday and the pain will never go. 

Please if you are suffering from mental health, please tell someone like your family, friends or even the doctor. I never spoke up about for it months before someone noticed there was something wrong with me. I spoke up for the first about it with my friend and it's best thing I did, I felt like a load had been taken of my back just speaking to one person. It takes a stronger person to admit there struggling, be that person. It's ok to not be ok, so please speak up and get the help you need.